Maybe the end of Western civilization as we know it, or definitely the end of Western civilization as we know it? You decide.
I first became aware of OnePiece when I was walking through the streets of Malmö, on my way to meet my friend Steve for coffee at the Rösteriet. (Awesome coffee shop, by the way, in case you’re ever in Malmö.)
Oh, how innocent I was! How naïve, not knowing what would await me there!
As I came close to my destination, I paused. OnePiece! A new store! Interesting name. I wonder what they sell. I saw a gleaming white interior and brightly-dressed mannequins posed cheerfully in the display window. As I got closer, however, I started to question what I was seeing.
Was it… really… no. It can’t be. The mannequins… what?!
It was a store of only one pieces. Giant one piece jumpers, shrouded by the retro-cool veneer of an American Apparel-style marketing and interior decorating scheme. I cannot.
Listen, my friends. My dear friends over the Atlantic, and also my friends here.
Listen, and ye shall hear… ye shall hear of a tale of a garment so heinous in its conception and yet so obviously well-marketed that it is surely fated to succeed, and there will come a day when the great Atlantic coughs up a new trend: the designer Snuggie. Could any fashion trend be more heinous, more repugnant to the senses?
We suffered through Crocs. We suffered through ponchos. We even suffered through scrunchies and whale tails and platform flip flops. But all of that is surely going to pale in comparison to what appears to be the love child of the Snuggie and Ralphie’s Christmas present from A Christmas Story.
Oh, the shame! Oh, the horror! And it can be yours for only 1400 Swedish crowns, which is, according to today’s exchange rate, is just a teensy bit over $200. What a deal. What a find. Calloo, callay, today is the day, the day I say, the day to buy a OnePiece!!
Anyway, just think if this trend catches on. Look at the impact it might have on the already-tricky task of dating.
My friend Katie told me that in South Korea, it’s really cool to dress to match your boyfriend/girlfriend. Well, here’s to the future.
My dear readers, you have been warned. OnePiece already has a flagship in Los Angeles, so it has already spread outside the borders of Scandinavia. Remember this day when you first reacted with horror and repugnance to the OnePiece, lest in the future you see it in People Magazine being worn by some young starlet and you think, ahh yes, now I understand its appeal, it looks so good on her.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT fall prey to the OnePiece.