It is extremely unlikely that I will ever live in the Midwest again. On the other hand, it is a distinct possibility that I will live in Sweden for a significant part of my life. That’s not always easy to deal with as a concept.

Last week, I read an article on Slate that articulates some of my feelings about Sweden—for better and worse—in talking about the Midwest, the area of the United States with the largest proportion of German, Dutch, and Scandinavian immigrants. In “Living in the Midwest,” Susanna Daniel writes,

When I tell people outside of the Midwest that I live here, they invariably mention two things: the Weather Factor and the Friendliness Factor…

What I didn’t realize, when I married the Midwest, was how difficult it is to be welcomed into the heart of the heartland. Broadly speaking—which is the only way to talk about this kind of thing, after all—Midwesterners are, true-to-reputation, kind and friendly, but they aren’t particularlywarm. Maybe in my narrow-minded, pre-Midwestern existence, I’d assumed that “friendly” and “warm” were the same thing, but it’s a distinction I’ve found unnerving.

Midwesterners are wary of prying—they consider it impolite, even unfriendly—and they don’t readily reveal personal information. Which means they exist comfortably at a certain remove that can take years—and I mean years—to breach. When my family gets together in Florida, we share a meal, heatedly discuss current events, then retire to separate bedrooms to catch up on email. When my husband’s extended family gets together, it’s an all-day family-fest. They might not talk about much, but they truly enjoy just being together. To a coastal-hearted misanthrope like myself, it’s mind-blowing…

The trouble here is the trouble everywhere: how to find close friends, how to really connect. And though I appreciate Midwestern civility… I continue to wrestle with the barriers of it.

Daniels goes on to talk about the quality of life she has, the importance of family in the Midwest, and the Midwestern sense of being rooted by and in family and community. But this sense of being welcome and appreciated and still not quite part of things is something that really resonates with me. Maybe it will change. Maybe it’s just because I’ve only been here 8/9 months. It’s really hard sometimes, though, to realize that while I have made a few very good friends, I don’t feel like I’ve made very many, and when those few are out of town for a holiday, I find myself unsure of what to do with myself in this town.

Pity party for myself aside, the article is really good, and if you’re at all interested in what it’s like to be a transplant in the Midwest (or in Sweden, by extension), you should check it out.

“Living in the Midwest” by Susanna Daniel, published 14 Apr 2011, Slate.com.